It’s an Accident – Just Say “Oops”

We’re always fighting about something. When we stop and think about it, though, we usually find that the energy we spent fighting could have solved the problem completely. One of the most common annoyances we both face is one neither of us can avoid – the other person.

We all make mistakes. And other people seem to make even more than we do. But the worst mistakes – and the most annoying – are those everyday oopsies made by the people closest to us, the people we’re stuck with. So when one of us (“What do I do, honey?” … “What don’t you do?”) playfully grabs the other and causes a family heirloom to go skittering under the couch, the other wants to flip shit.

But as we all know, shit flipped into the air tends to hit the fan, and the next thing we know the heirloom is buried under piles of throw pillows living up to their names. At this point, it’s difficult to cool down. Someone huffs their way out of the room, the thrown pillows are dug through, and the heirloom is found in less time than it took to have the tiff. What did this accomplish? You’ve wasted your time, energy, and  now both of you are upset.

Instead of getting angry right off the bat, sit down, take a couple deep breaths, and think before you speak. Put things into perspective. This isn’t to say, “don’t be angry,” but trust that the other person understands what happened. Maybe they don’t understand fully, but it’s okay. Remind yourself that they didn’t do it on purpose. They’ll probably even try and help fix whatever went wrong.

Often in our relationship, it helps to collect ourselves for just five minutes. And often, the person who screwed up will fix things in those five minutes without a single cross word. It’s not easy, but a touch of self-control goes a long way for us. For the hurt person, it really helps to remember that the mistake  really was just a mistake – that the other person didn’t want to hurt you.

For the mistake-maker, it helps to take the perspective that the anger isn’t directed at you. The anger is directed at what happened, and that can probably be fixed within those five minutes.

These strategies can help avoid mistakes before they even happen, too. Think about the last time you were in traffic and the driver was getting a bit too close to the car in front of you. Shouting at them didn’t help. It just startled them or made them more tense. Instead, you can just let go and trust in the other person. No matter the situation, you’re not the only person who has a stake, whether it’s emotional or material. The other person wants to avoid an accident just as much as you do.

It’s important to take those five minutes before spending a lot of energy making everyone feel worse. In those five minutes, the problems you thought you needed to fix will often fix themselves. By all means, speak up if you really need to, but when you’re coming from a place of anger, frustration, or annoyance, stop and think. “Is what I’m about to say going to make things better or make things worse?”

(Photo credit: petite corneille , kezzaroo, and McAzadi)